Assertive communication and his two younger brothers
Assertive communication is a communication style in which you express your ideas, feelings and needs directly, safely, calmly and honestly, while being empathetic and respectful of other people.
It's one of the most appropriate ways for interaction and communication between people, optimizing our relationships, it's not just saying what we think and how we say, it's also understanding my needs, those of other people (empathy), being responsible for my emotions and connecting with others.
But if this is one of the communication styles, it means there are more, right? And yes, we also find two additional communication styles, but these aren't... recommended.
Aggressive Communication and Passive Communication, there is also a mix between passive and aggressive communication, which precisely has the name of Passive-Aggressive, which is close to irony and sarcasm.
Aggressive communication is related to anger, with rage, we are upset at that moment, it is possible that we talk too much and even insult and provoke, passive communication, on the other hand, would be closer to sadness to a state of defenselessness, I better keep quiet to avoid more problems.
Characteristics/differences between communication styles
Scenario 1
After arriving home, Juan handed over his grade results to his mother Monica in a nervous manner, looking down at the ground without making eye contact. After his mother saw the notes, she scolded and insulted him, then hit him with the broom and told him that he is useless. Juan kept silent so as not to cause more problems and avoided the conflict, after his mother had finished insulting him, he apologized and went to his room sad and waiting for his mother to stop being angry with him.
-Juan was a 15 years old kid with a passive communication style.
Scenario 2
Carlos, Miguel's father, was anxiously waiting for him in his car at school dismissal time. He was curious to know how his son had done on his exam. After his son arrived with tears in his eyes and showed him the results, Carlos realized that his son Miguel had failed the exam. Far from reproaching or punishing him, Juan hugged him and told him that next time it would be better for him because he believed in him and was sure that today wasn't a good day but there will be another opportunity. He took him out for ice cream and then offered to help him with his studies in the afternoons after he got off work.
-Carlos was a great father with a assertive communication style.
Scenario 3
Catalina was the leader of group 2. She wasn't only the one in command but also the one who organized and gave orders. The objective was clear, they had to prepare a perfect project because it was the last remaining before the end of the semester. On the scheduled day where each member would give their own part of the work, she realized that Gabriela hadn't delivered her part. After asking her why she didn't. Gabriela apologized and told her that she didn't have time because her grandfather had died and the two days she had to investigate, she had many complications. Catalina approached her angrily and replied that this wasn't her problem and yelling at her, she claimed that she should have fulfilled her responsibility. She didn't care about her grandfather and now because of her fault she would have to do her part. Gabriela apologized again and told her that today she would do her part and deliver it to her tomorrow without fail, to which she replied with a hostile "No", Insulting her and calling her useless, not without first notifying her that she would put in the work that she didn't do her part and she was irresponsible.
-Catalina was a cruel girl without empathy who used an aggressive communication style.
Four basic assertive Rights
1) Having dignity and self-respect
It's important to maintain dignity and respect ourselves as a person giving us our own value and knowing that our opinion has value, as well as that our rights also count. Not keeping silent and asserting our opinion will allow us to grow as a person and other people will be able to respect you as much as you respect yourself.
2) Expressing your feelings
It's important to express our feelings when talking to others. Shutting up what we feel can cause us to repress our emotions and that generates a negative effect on our mood or even thoughts over time. By expressing what we feel, we show ourselves to others in a more transparent way, which generates more trust in other people, which will improve our relationships.
3) Asking for what you want directly
When you ask for what you are looking directly in a correct way, you show that you are a direct person and know what you want. This is a trait that isn't only attractive if not that also shows that you have confidence and as time passes people begin to feel that confidence as well.
4) Negotiating and reaching compromises when conflict exists
It's super important to seek negotiation when resolving conflicts. It has been shown that the most effective way to point out the mistakes of others is if you at the same time show that they may be partially right. A correct negotiation game is very helpful considering that most people don't like to hear from others that they are wrong.
Negotiations or apologies often go nowhere if there are no compromises in between, so committing to something in conflict resolution is key to resolving problems and maintaining healthy relationships.
Conclusion
Assertive communication is undoubtedly the best way to convey your ideas and connect either emotionally or logically with other people. The correct feedback between both parties, the respect and the feeling of inclusion of the other parties generates extremely profitable and healthy relationships that tend to be long-lasting and sincere. Learning to have and maintain assertive conversations with other people is a worthwhile task that will make you improve a lot as a person. Definitely worth a try!
Blog did by: Cristian Leonardo Zabala, 26.564.544
Professor: Carlos Rodríguez
INTERPERSONAL C. - 2022-I Sab
